there's tons of things i wish i could change about myself.
and sometimes i feel like if i just wrote them all out i could just get it together.
so ill make this list and check them off when i feel like things get better :)
- I wish I was smarter.
No bull I really am not as smart as I look. Okay, maybe I don't look that smart but I'm totally uninterested in things that don't affect my world which is so selfish. I don't look at the news because it scares me and gives me bad dreams but i feel like i should be more aware of it. I sometimes wish I was just brillant and had some urge to learn. The best thing I can do that I'm semi good at is writing. I've always been pretty good at that but the whole all around knowing politics, getting straight A's and making deans list. has never been me. but i'm going to change it. trust me :)
-I wish I was thinner.
This may come to a shock to many people but there are still parts of my body that I wish so badl y were smaller. Number one is my thighs and hips all of that but i have no ass. SHAME! i wish my size was one number instead of two so i could easily find clothes for cheaper prices and get my belly button pierced. as dumb as that sounds that's really the only reason.. that and to be able to go swimming with a future boyfriend and not feel like i have to wear a huge shirt or wear my dress all the way to the pool until i feel comforotable to take it off and get in the water.
-I wish I had some type of drive.
All day long I see people on twitter tweeting about the things they are doing or events they are having. I honestly wish I had a hustler mentailty i kinda just do things to get by. I know that I can do better and I'm hoping to change it but I haven't done anything productive. My resume is very short and I really can't even say I bring anything to the table if anyone was looking to hire me or bring me on as a leader of any type of group. I have no drive unless it's something I'm asking for.. Like a new ___ whatever... My drive for my career should be better but i know I'll have a back up and that my parents know people that could at least give me a job that I could survive off of so I don't worry too much over it.
- I wish I knew how to take care of me
I'm some what independant but not really. My mom does everything for me and I honestly take it for granted sometimes. I honestly EXPECT her to do it. Like my FASFA she does, anything dealing with school... she does.. everything she does and my Dad def is right there beside her helping me too I wish I could be independant and not so nervous to do every little thing alone.
-I wish I were more known around school...
I know this sounds like high school things but i really do wish i knew more people and networked more. I feel like there's like the "cool" black kids and i kinda circle on the outer part looking in. The crazy thing is I can spot the "cool" kids from a far at my school I know all of them. See them every where strolling, in the KUC, connecting with eachother. I 'm not that kid. I'm the kid that dresses cute, cool ass personality, and keeps to myself unless with a crowd. The crazy thing is I'm aware of the "cool" socialite kids and for some reason i think they are aware of me because..they add me on damn facebook and twitter... ahah. its weird maybe we're both thinking the others cool and don't know what to do about our uncoolness factor.
-I wish I could get him back
The one i let get away....... that's all i'll say about that
- I wish i wasn't so needy
Self explantory. but extremly fuckin dumb why the heck do i feel it neccesary to talk to my signifgant other every moment of the day....
-I wish I didn't let my past affect me...
I wish I just didn't let things like not trusting from a previous relationship move into the ones i will have.. but i know it will...
-I wish I didn't compare myself to others..
especially girls that have similarities to me but seemingly do things so much better then me :/
No comments:
Post a Comment