Lonely

Well, i'm back after a very very very long going away party i threw for myself (not really) but i remembered my password praise God and now I can write more. I have tumblr but that's more so for my fashion side of life and Idk this will be a marriage of both. I'm going to totally revamp my blogspot to be exactly what I want it to be and more. For my youtube subscribers or my friends that just want to see what I'm going to say next which seems to be and enjoyable thing. I'm going to try really really hard to update more, but without further blabbing about how i'm back and patting myself on the back for remembering i have this thing under a yahoo email (lame, i know i'm going to change it heres the latest that's going on with me....

Well, the first thing I can say is I am totally totally not in a good mood. I feel like crying to be completely honest..why you may ask? i'm still feeling alone..so incredibly alone.. Everything I've tried to do to escape this feeling never seems to work. The so called friends that I had last year are long gone and the guys I started hanging with now seem to have their own thing going for themseleves. Honestly, I feel like the only people that care about me are my parents. I have no friends that really give a dang about me here. or anywhere for that matter. I keep to myself really really bad here. I'm always by myself, because no one ever calls to ask me to hang out. no one ever ask to see how i'm doing.. i always feel like i'm the one reaching out to be to hanging out with me... and there are some girls that i have met via twitter from my school that are similar to me, but i'm so reluctant to go into a girl friendship again so when schedules conflict i just feel like its some mysterious sign from God that she doesn't need to be someone i really apply time and effort into. Honestly, i can't say i have a best friend at my school... not one... especially not a girl friend that is someone i can call and say i'm coming over in 5 minutes and getcho a double snakes up because i need to talk.. nah i don't have anyone like that.. its quite lonely actually.. its very depressing and the fact that i don't have friends really upsets me.. i'm such a bubbly, outgoing person that to not have someone that i can call my best friend or a true friend for that matter bothers me like no other. i'm sure most people take for granted the fact that they have someone they can call up and share their issues with, their happiness, funny stories whatever.

and to be honest...i feel like if i had that i would enjoy my college experience way more. like its crazy i have so many girl friends in all my classes that i talk to but after class i'm back to being at home in my room alone. i don't even look forward to the weekends anymore because i know they will consist of me being in my room.. going to the library.. or eating away my money. i hate this... i thought after last year being friends with those girls would be the end of me feeling this way, but after egos got into the way of friendship i have no one to shed tears or smiles with. some would suggest i get a boyfriend but that's not even a good idea. i really can't even be in a relationship at this point either. the guy that was interest in me was a bust he's always so busy and never has time for me. he never called me and barley text me. i'm just completly over tennessee and wish that at least i had cable televison and the sumpter house hold to comfort me when i feel like this. *sigh* what a way to come back to a blog. but at least i'm back right?!?